Mom vs Stepmom (Arch Enemy or Nemesis?)

                                                                                                  {image from ulike}

I have a tenuous relationship with my children's stepmother, to put it politely.
But the bottom line is, she takes care of my kids.

As much as it kills me to admit it, I have to rely on her for a lot of the "every day" care of my children.

And often, I think I couldn't hate anyone more than this woman.  Like when my youngest child told me that stepmom told her she loves her more than her mother does.  Like when the kids tell me she makes fun of the clothes I've bought them.  I hate hearing my children call her "Mom", which was a request she made after she married their dad.

And just a few weeks ago, I gnashed my teeth when I found out she'd blocked my phone number from my children's cell phones.

But again, she is with my children A LOT.
Since my ex husband has physical custody in our situation, (we have joint legal custody) she is with my kids more than I am -- actually, even more than their dad is.  Stepmom is, in many ways, raising my kids, whether I like it or not.  And most of the time, I don't like it.  It gnaws at me and I don't approve of a lot of the things she says and does, but the wierd thing is, because she's a strong, financially stable, educated woman, and also because my ex husband is not the sharpest tool in the shed and has trouble keeping a full time job, I actually trust her to take care of my children even more than I trust him.  At the very least, however much she might hate me, I know she loves my kids.

One of my favorite articles comparing the arch enemy to a nemesis is called "The Importance of Being Hated", that first appeared in Equire Magazine by Chuck Klosterman.  With a little creativity, I've used many of his ideas and words here to illustrate the relationship between step mom and mom... 

"A Superhero usually has an Arch Enemy, but in a separate category, a Nemesis.  There is a big difference:
if you were to perish, your Arch Enemy would dance on your grave then date your husband.  You hate your Arch Enemy so much, it's embarrassing and you don't want your Arch Enemy to have the satisfaction of knowing they've affected you so strongly.  If you ever meet anyone who has the same name as your Arch Enemy, you immediately like her less.  Your Arch Enemy would push you and your kids under a bus, and never blink.

In some ways, you may kind of respect your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise her.  If your Nemesis invited you out for a glass of wine to "hash things out", you might accept.  If your Arch Enemy was trying to attack you, your Nemesis might even come to your defense.  (like when Godzilla and King Kong fought Mothra together).  You and your Nemesis will never be best friends and tell each other that.  Your Nemesis would feed your children if they were hungry (but would not feed you)."

I figure my kids' happiness and fate depends a lot on the two main women in their lives... me, and, as much as I sometimes hate to admit it, their stepmother.  They spend a lot of time with both of us.  And ultimately, more than I dislike her, I love them.

And they deserve for me to at least try to talk things out with Man Hands.

And so, stay tuned...

                                                                                                                    {image from 55 Secret}